Thursday, September 29, 2011

Where I'm At

I just ended my title with a preposition. I'm aware.

Anywho, I don't find myself doing a lot of "journaling" type posts, but this one looks like it will be just that. This week has been one of "those" varieties, and I am praying that as our cool front rolls in tonight/tomorrow, my mood will cool down as well. I've just been so grumpy and frazzled and feeling not-so-put-together and just over it all.

Maybe it's this whole down to one nap thing. Maybe it's my little guy's realization that he can choose not to eat. Maybe it's Cowboy's later evenings at work. (I know Babe--this too shall pass.) It's just the perfect storm.

But I'm thinking that this one nap thing is really giving me a run, and maybe because several days this week, it's only been a little over an hour. Today was a bit longer, and I was able to get a bit more done. Supposedly this gets better. We'll see.

It's silly for my to complain, and I'm trying not to complain but just try to figure it all while I write this. Well, maybe not figure it out, but at least understand why my soul isn't settled.

Maybe our mornings need to change. We used to be able to eat a little cereal with some Jack's Big Music Show, head to the park, come home and eat breakfast, and take a nap (while Momma showered/read blogs/wrote posts/cleaned/etc.). Now he's sleeping a bit later and not taking that morning nap which is throwing us off. This summer we've had to get out early or we weren't going at all with the heat. I still feel like I want to squeeze it all in, but maybe with cooler temps we can go for park walks/runs later. I also need to think about getting up to shower before he wakes up, but that negates any exercise. I do plan on implementing some quiet time in his room/crib with low lights and some books. That way I can shower and get mostly dressed without dodging him or the toys brought in to entertain him in the bathroom. I could not shower and just be nasty from being outside and then shower during his afternoon nap, but it's cuts it close to be able to do some cleaning and dinner prep.

And then there are all of these other things I want to do -- like call my grandmothers (Hi JuJu and Weenie!), but my cell phone reception is complete crap inside the house so I have to sit in one spot, not good for this multi-tasker.
And I want to do more crafts but sometimes feel frivolous for spending $ on that.
And I want to make more yummy recipes (especially pumpkin!) but Lord knows my butt doesn't need that. Did I not just talk about having less time for exercising! And did I mention that being a SAHM makes me hungry. All.the.time!
And my hair won't grow, and I am totally regretting that I cut it, so on days when I don't want to blow dry and style or don't have time to, the solution is a stumpy little ponytail that looks ridiculous! Grow baby grow! And when my hair is crappy, well, so is my mood. Shallow, I know.

But this week maybe we just did too much. It was only an outing a day but it seemed like overload. I love getting together with the different groups of friends we've made, but sometimes we need to be here and just be.
And we also need to be here and be crafty. And be spiritual. And be dancers. And book-devourers. And backyard lovers.

So that's me tonight. This week. I realize these are such trivial matters and we will all be fine over here. I just need to evaluate where I am and where I want to be and pray for the grace that God takes me where He wants me to be. We know that's going to happen anyway. Maybe I should pray that I don't go kicking and screaming!

I apologize if this is all over the place. It's "where I'm at!"


the workaholic momma said...

good for you for letting it all out!!! i totally have days and weeks where i feel the same way...can't seem to figure out whats making me nuts and can't seem to figure out what the solution is either!!!! I hope things settle for you a bit and you guys finally get some cooler weather.

sending hugs xoxo

The Miskell Family said...

Please tell me you can come!

Grumpy Grateful Mom said...

It's so not trivial when it's your life! Sounds like you're just in a slump. I've have four kids now, but having one was probably the hardest time for me!

I also have a hard time showering. My little guy likes to get into everything or he is pounding on the shower door, angry that I won't let him in.

I think you should make a luscious pumpkin desert and enjoy!

Suzanne said...

Awww Jenn! I think a lot of it is the little Sheriff is beginning to realize that and makes the rules around there ;) K did/is doing the same thing... things were in a perfect routine, and then WHAM!, she just wants thing to be different... every day. I feel ya on the shower thing, too. I really would just like to shave my legs without having them being rubbed up and down by a little bitty slimy hand, followed by little giggles, haha! Hang in there, it's okay to feel unsettled, even frustrated, about the "trivial" things bc sometimes they don't feel so trivial ;)

And you are always beautiful... inside and out! Love ya!

Natalie said...

I totally get this...the balance of taking a shower/blogging/cleaning...and when that nap is short you feel like you are behind the whole day! Never enough time!

Nicole said...

In my mind I've been commenting to this post. I swear, I even had a dream about my response last night. (Must be some response!) I know how overwhelming things get, I know how a haircut you hate sucks, (although your hair is so cute!) and I know how important naps are: None of what you wrote is shallow or unimportant. Sometimes it helps getting it all out! And quite frankly, the heat has something to do with everyone's mood these days. I really believe that.

And step back. The thing I have learned is that we don't have to be everywhere. Kind of what we were talking about the other day. Over scheduling our kids. That includes us too. Even though the things we plan are fun or good for us, sometimes it's just too much. We have to say no until the next week when things aren't as busy.

Prayers your way. And thanks for your help the other day!!