Thursday, May 31, 2012

I Blame Tim McGraw

Yes, I do. I blame Tim McGraw and his little "live like you were dying" message.

It started innocently with a trip to Target for the remaining items needed for our mini vacation this past weekend. We brought Harold, and if you aren't acquainted, he's the watchful hovering eye over the the island of Sodor, home to Thomas and his tank engine friends.  He's a helicopter, and at that, W's favorite helicopter.

That being said, he travels with us quite often on shopping cart ventures, and this particular day was no different. Long story short, he didn't make it home. We were both distracted while unloading the cart into the car and getting The Sheriff buckled in just right, and he didn't make it. I realized this the minute I walked into the door.

(We pause this story to alert you to the upcoming Rookie Mom Mistake!)

Stupidly, so very stupidly, I ask W, "Did we leave Harold in the cart?" And oh the tears started which in turn broke my heard which in turn led to a panicked train of thought. Should we go get him? Would the cart still be in the return a cart section? Should I try to find another one? What to do?
And I knew there was not one at Target where I originally found this random heli as we passed through the Thomas section on the trip itself.

In the meantime, I distracted The Sheriff but I could not let it go. I let him down. Technically it was my fault. He doesn't understand the responsibility of looking after one's things. It's a lesson he will one day have to learn. Today was not that day.

Thanks to this Tim McGraw song I heard on my way to an appointment that evening, I thought that if I died tomorrow, I would want to go having W know that I went to hell and back trying to find that damn helicopter. I would want him to know that there will be days of loss in his lifetime. He will lose toys. He will lose soccer games. He will lose his cool.
And he will lose friends and family members.

And there will time for feeling the heartbreak at whatever level that comes with loss. If I can protect him from this particular one, from asking about Harold when he wakes up or sometimes to hold him to fall asleep and having to hear that we don't have him, I will. And I did.

Some of you will laugh at me. You'll think, such a first-timer. Just wait until she has another one. When I was little, my parents would have never. I would have told the kid to get over it. Wow, she's spoiling him.

Heck, some of my own family members will surely call me out for doing this wrong somehow, but when I found Harold (after looking online earlier that evening) at Walmart on my way home, I sped (just a little) to get home in time to hand him over and kiss W goodnight. And I knew that it was $6.99 well spent.

"Harold's back!" he said, and he still says it. You see, he did learn (or start to) that we have to take care of things. We talked about leaving it there. But he also knows that he's got a Momma that loves him enough to fix it when she can. There'll be times when I have to let him go and let him grow. He'll make mistakes, and he'll confront life in ways that I can't fix. He's not there yet, my friends, not there yet.

And in the meantime, Harold's back!


KERRY said...

Wow, this was beautiful and a real show of the love you have for your son. I am so glad you did that for him, to have him smile and be happy at the small price of $6.99. How could you not? He's only little for a short time...Good for you! You're a great mum :)

Happiness Is... said...

I would have done the same thing. We lost a tractor on a walk one day, and thankfully T isn't old enough to "get it," but if I were you, I would have done the same thing. It's our instinct to protect and heal and keep our kids from hurt. You're a great mom!

Sarah @ It's a Vol said...

I love this! I would have done the same thing and my parents did do the same for me. I don't think that's spoiling him at all. It's not like he was purposefully careless! I am glad it had a happy ending!

Natalie said...

I would have done the same thing too...ugh I hate losing things and it's worse when it's something your child loves. I have seriously looked up and down aisles for missing toys that were in his stroller while were in a store.

Am I Really Grown Up? said...

I would have done the same thing! I thought that we had mistakenly left Pooh Bear at Annabelle's friends house over the weekend and I had a mini panic attack until we found him. Annabelle not so much, but she was still happy to have him.

Nicole said...

So with you. I search for Longhorn Snoopy on a regular basis on Ebay just in case. It was sold in 1988, and I've yet to find him. Because he is irreplaceable, I keep a watchful eye on him when he goes out in public even though A should be able to on his own. I couldn't deal with the heartache. I couldn't deal if he didn't care either.

Anonymous said...

oh my gosh you are such a mommy hero!!! many of us would've totally done that! we know far too well about thomas and friends- W's obsession with harold is A's obsession with thomas. i'll tell ya it doesn't really get any better. ha! even now A will flip out when we lose things, or forget them somewhere. still breaks my heart. and still have moments of finding ways to come to the rescue and save the day!! loved this post!