Monday, June 11, 2012

Living in Blog Land While Trying to Get Pregnant

If you are family (heck, if you are not) and this is TMI, please skip today's post and wait for tomorrow. There's sure to be a cute picture of The Sheriff or something then.

Today, we talk about infertility, and more specifically, trying to get pregnant while participating in this time sink we call blogging. Yea, it's a productive time sink;  I've met new friends and get great support and advice. Plus Laurie Berkner gave me a shout-out on facebook. So maybe it's no time sink after all.

Back to the topic at hand. When my period starts during this whole journey, I get all doom and gloom (D&G we'll call it) and my head knows we'll never get pregnant and my heart feels we'll never get pregnant and gahhh woe is me! It's dramatic I know. Let's blame the hormones, why don't we.

As a blogger when D&G hits, heck, maybe not being just a blogger yourself but also a facebook and twitter participant, I am in trouble. Someone, somewhere on the Internet is complaining about not being able to get comfortable to sleep or having to pee too much or craving too many pieces of pickles or spicy Cheetos. And this my friends, makes me lose my grits and say things to the hubs like, "I'd give my two pinky toes to be in her shoes. She's so insensitive. Well, throw in the 'ring finger' toe on my left foot too because my pinky toenails are really small so maybe they don't count. But yea, she's insensitive. Does she not know how many people each day are trying to get pregnant?"

I cruise around Google Reader a bit more and what do you know, another child W's age is wearing a big brother shirt announcing the great news to the world. This, my friends, jumpstarts another two trains of thought:

--Oh my gosh, that kid is W's age. We need to have a baby. NOW. Eveyrone is having babies. Time is running out.

-- And then a bit more gloomy -- When is it my turn? What am I doing wrong?

There's more. All of those pregnant friends then start talking to each other about swaddling blankets or nursery colors. Oh, and the pins! These people have some nerve, huh?!

Soon enough all of the D&G runs its course, and I realize my journey is my own, and that each blogger, facebook friend, twitter friend, is on her own journey, living her own story with its challenges.

In her journey she may indeed need to complain about not sleeping and having too many bathroom breaks. It's where she is and that's perfectly ok. In fact, it's beautiful!
The world does not view itself through the lens of infertility and it shouldn't.

And those friends that are expecting #2 and 3 or 4 or whatever, well cheers to them! God is good!


E @ Life on a Quilt said...

I am so with you on this. We are only beginning the journey for another but a few unsuccessful cycles have passed and it seems the announcements are tenfold. Maybe it is just that I'm more aware of these announcements or maybe the universe is laughing at me. I'm sure it's the former, but I swear every person I see when I go out is sporting a huge bump. Every time I get on FB there is a new celebration. Congratulations to everyone! I wish you the best! But it absolutely stings.

The only way I can get past it is imagining that those individuals may have had to struggle to get to where they are. In which case, we're all in this together and I thank God they are now on the other side.

Then, there are those that gloat about 1 cycle successes. And to them? Please, please keep your mouth SHUT!

Faith said...

I heart you. We aren't trying to get pregnant by any means- but I feel the whole life timeline basically. I wanted a little one to follow A much closer to his age (literally when he turned one I wanted to try) but other circumstances got in the way and it just wasn't God's plan then, and it still isn't now. It's hard seeing mostly toddler/infant moms on here and finding someone that can relate with older kids like I have- hang in there! I avoid FB at all cost pretty much, twitter hasn't gotten that way for me [yet]. Hang in there! Hugs to you from us!

Andie said...

I don't know how far back into my blog you have read since we've "met" but I will tell you that I have struggled with female troubles and diminished fertility for 13 years. When I was 23 I was told I would struggle with fertility as time went on due to severe endometriosis and uterine fibroids.

My husband I tried our hand at starting a family for 6 years before I actually got pregnant. In fact, we went through the whole adoption process through Catholic Charities, did the home study, background checks, etc. and paid all of our application fees, etc. and we were just waiting to get a phone call from our social worker telling us that they had a baby for us. Then I found out I was pregnant two days after Christmas in 2010. (I have the full story on my blog if you want to read it)

Every time one of my friends would get pregnant, I would often have a feeling of self-doubt or loathing- feeling like I had failed myself as a woman and I had failed my husband because I couldn't give him the gift of his own child.

It took quite a few years of soul searching and becoming ok with my situation before I came to terms with it and before we made the decision to adopt. In fact, before we made that decision, we pretty much were ok with the idea of not having any children- we figured that it was God's plan for us and that we would embrace it as such. When we made the decision to apply for adoption and we were chosen for that program, we felt it was God's way to helping us start a family. We had no idea that our plan actually included having a child of our own.

I know it's hard to go through the process when you see so many others get pregnant easily, etc. I totally get it and I have been there. I am grateful and thankful for the one little guy I have. I will say that while those people may be getting pregnant easily it doesn't mean everything else in their life comes easy too and I always reminded myself of that.

But the biggest thing I can say is that I have been there. I am 35 years old and I JUST had my first child last year! So don't lose hope and have faith.

Jamie said...

Hugs to you. It's ok to be D&G sometimes :)

D @ Naptime in Suburbia said...

Hang in there! Sending prayers from NY to TX!

Happiness Is... said...

I totally understand. I wish I could reach through the screen and give you a big hug and take you out for coffee. Truthfully, I think your emotions are normal whether you're faced with fertility issues or not. I say this because I've had all of those feelings and I don't have any issues that I know of. Now, don't get me wrong - I think fertility adds another dimension and complication and it feels even more hurtful when people seem to just look at each other and get pregnant. So that piece I do get. But I just wanted to let you know that I don't think your emotions are off-base OR only due to fertility issues; the fact is, we're wired to reproduce and when we want a baby, we want a baby NOW.

Hugs, friend. Keep the faith. He can see the bigger picture, and it is perfect, and W is a big brother (and a fabulous one at that!)

Natalie said...

Awww I know it must be hard my friend...I know when the time is right you will be blessed with baby #2 and W will make a wonderful big brother. You have too many mommy skills to go around! :)

Sarah @ It's a Vol said...

Hang in there! It's hard to remember that not everyone has dealt with our particular struggle and that not everything is a frontal assault. I struggle with this when it comes to people posting about how beautiful and natural breastfeeding is. Since I was unable I feel like they are all being so rude to me, but they aren't -- they are just living their life. So anyway not on the same level but I sort of know how you feel. I am hoping for very good news for you and soon.

Lindsay said...

Awe mama hang in there it will happen. All will fall into place when it's supposed to {I'm sure your hear/read that a lot and you could be so over it, but it will}. I totally feel you on the D&G and you know what? It's okay to be upset and feel all down for a little while. It is part of the process.

I have been there- in fact I am there right now. I have had to look on the brightside or maybe I have just said a big fat F YOU to all the fab preg women out there, but I wish you and your hubby the best of luck.

Fingers crossed it will happen sooner than later. Just suck in all you have as a mama of one right now- you don't want to look back and feel like you missed something, and chances are when you aren't focusing on making a baby it {might} just happen. Well this is the same BS I tell myself anyway- did it work for you? I hope a little bit.


Lindsey said...

Love to you. LOVE. We really don't know what the future holds, whether it will bring another wee bit or not. And it's really difficult and frustrating when we feel constantly let down and don't understand why it's all happening. It hurts on so many levels.

Our group FB page has been the worst for me- I had to turn off notifications and tune out for a while. Because of that, I try to temper my own posts. Some questions can be answered without a broadcast.

I'll have a big huge hug waiting for you next time I see you and Sheriff, which I hope is very soon!

KERRY said...

Good things are bound to come to you soon :) I can imagine it is frustrating for you though, but hang in there! :)

Erin+Josh said...

Oh sweet friend, I know how hard and lonely the feeling can be. It's not fair sometimes. I have felt pangs of jealously at others easy conception stories, it's only human. And God IS good, so I know that one day you will have your baby #2 and we'll go pick out a big bro shirt for W =) ((HUGS))

Tiffany said...

Prayers for you & baby #2!! We're all allowed a little D&G from time to time!! Hugs, my friend!! God has GREAT plans for you & your family :)

The Femats said...

Had no idea... Will certainly keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I am hopeful it will happen sooner than later!

Amy @ Geaux Girlie said...

First time reader here and stumbled across this post at just the right time. Our first attempt at IUI was unsuccessful this month. We've been TTC our first for a year+ now.

I hope you can find peace knowing that God has great plans for you, me and all of his children. When AF comes each month and I feel like a little D&G might set in I try to remind myself that faith in God includes faith in His timing.

Thanks for being so honest on your blog and sharing your story. Makes this whole process seem more personal when a fellow blogger talks about it.

Chin up chicky!

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