Tuesday, July 31, 2012

What I Learned In The Waiting

I thought: at 24 that I would have found my place in career in teaching and would be ready to have babies and stay at home.

But really: I needed all of the years of teaching before having W to make me realize it's a profession and a calling to which I want to return. Had I gotten pregnant earlier, I would have chosen a different path when working outside of the home again. The challenges faced during those first few years would have been enough to give me permission throw in the towel. I am thankful for the trenches that I stuck through, and in turn they molded me. They left me feeling that I could be great at my job. I wasn't the world's greatest teacher when I left, but I know at the bottom of my heart that I want to return in attempts to be.

I thought: at 24 I'd have the experience, patience, wisdom, sense of self under my belt to be a mother.

But really: the first few months of W's life were really tough for me. Newborn months are tough for any woman! And yes, no one can be completely ready, but God knew what he was doing in molding me, my husband, and my marriage before bringing W into our lives.

I thought: at 24 I'd stay home for a few years and return to teaching while the kids went to school because I'd need to have a job.

But really: Parenting has changed me. I wasn't cold-hearted before, but I will see each student in my class as someone else's child. Having my own child has made that more possible. I want to be the type of teacher I know I'd want my son to have. I'm itching to return! (and not just because every day this week has been filled with hour long fits either!)

I thought: at 24 I'd have "sown my wild oats" for whatever it's worth.

But really: Yes, I was married, but Cowboy and I had many life experiences to share together and memories to make before we'd settle down with children. I think both of us sometimes wish we had done even more, but I'll take a few wonderful vacations and lots of awesome concerts thrown in with quite a few late nights for memories that solidified us as a couple and gave us a rock upon which to build a family life.

I thought: at 24 that working for what ones wants will always lead to what one might desire. My control over the situation was my security.

But really: I've learned to release that control. There are aspects of our lives that we can try our hardest, but at the end of the day it's in God's hands. That thought in itself brings such comfort and true security.

I thought: at 24 that my timeline was right.

But really: God's timing has been and continues to be simply perfect.

May the "But Reallys" in your lives be so sweet and full of promise, peace, and joy!


Anonymous said...

you make me feel old! ;)
but yes His timing is ALWAYS perfect.

Natalie said...

Beautiful post! God always has plans...and sometimes they aren't what we expected but for the best!

Kat said...

what a great post! Every year I feel just a little wiser ;)

Lindsay said...

First of all, great post!

Second- the entire time I was reading this I kept thinking "I can't believe she's ONLY 24!" God what I wouldn't give to be 23/24 again. I mean I am only turning 26 {on Friday- keeping that on to DL I guess}, but it feels so.much.younger. than I am now. Crazy shit I feel. Crazy.

It's funny how most of the stuff we plan and think about in our heads over and over never comes to be. Life just has it's own mind. It's own plan, and most of the time they are WAY better plans than anything I dream. Hard, but better in the end.

Great post! Got me thinking- which is always good.

Lindsay said...

Also, I didn't know you were a teacher. Awesome- now I know how you pull out all that amzing stuff for W! What grade did you teach?

Tiffany said...

This is awesome!!!
We need to get the boys together again!

Holy crap...I feel old ;)

Sara said...

What a beautifully written post. And you're only 24? I'm SO old!! :)

Elizabeth said...

I feel old too!
But, this is a beautiful post! And if I've learned anything in the last four years, it's that God is never late, He's always on time. In His time!

Sarah @ It's a Vol said...

I can't believe you are only 34! Little baby! I am almost 30!!! :) I am so glad God has given you what you need, not what you THOUGHT you needed!

Nicole said...

Well, I think my comment got deleted...maybe it wasn't so good...

Anyway, I love that you are so wise to see God's providence. I used to think My plans were so well thought out, but I know they aren't nearly as good as His. You remain an inspiration.

Anonymous said...

Thanks! Needed to hear this!

Andie said...

God definitely has a plan on his time and this is a very eloquent post. when I was 24, I wasn't even married yet! (gosh, I'm old) LOL