Friday, January 27, 2012

Mopping -- A Rant

Dear Mr. Clean Magic Eraser Super Twist Mop,

Wow! What a name! Surely with the name Joe Blow in Marketing has given you, you would have mopped my floor yourself with the snap of a finger. But alas, we are not having this discussion to praise your touted abilities.

First, let's just say that mopping happens during toddler nap time. If you are unfamiliar with toddlers, I'll explain.
A. You don't leave buckets of water around.
B. Their name unlike yours, is in fact apt. They toddler. This means they are clumsy as heck. At least mine is. A wet floor plus one of these is recipe for a disaster and a trip to the ER probably for said toddler and momma who also fell trying to avert the attention of the little fella from wet surfaces.

That all being said, nap time, unlike the road and the party, does not go on forever and indeed ends. (Bonus points if you get that reference, kids.) Therefore there is no time for the following:

1. Opening mop to realize I have no clue how to work it.
2. Looking in the trash can for the wrapping to find directions for the mop already plunged into a bucket of water.
3. Finding no directions on packaging.
4. Realizing directions are inside the mop (great placement of these might I add!) and are soaking wet.
5. Glancing at directions to realize there is a 4 step process. 4 steps? You are a mop!
6. Having no clue what Step 1 is talking about.
7. Proceeding to mop anyway to find that the magic eraser comes off with every pass AND is already over halfway worn down. What?
8. Finding that the blue threads from the mop trail all over the house. Thanks, really, because I didn't enjoy sweeping enough the first go round.

(And English friends, did you like how I kept that list parallel?)

Yes, I realize there is a bit of "user error" in this situation. I should have researched my mop before buying right? I should have opened the package to find directions and carefully deciphered them. But hey, remember those toddlers we talked about earlier. They don't make shopping a breeze either, so when walking the aisles of the local megastore, there isn't much time for reading the box to make sure I won't have to allot time for direction reading for my new mop.

Further, if I wanted to read complicated directions at nap time and execute task I would trek myself and toddler over to Ikea for some sort of meltdown fun and come home with a piece of furniture to build.

But instead, I've got you, babe.



Erin+Josh said...

lol! Swiffer all the way. Funny post

D @ Naptime in Suburbia said...

Ugh, how frustrating! Mopping is one of the chores I procrastinate on the most anyway.

Natalie said...

Oh and this is why I don't mop! I borrow my MIL's Shark b/c of these reasons!

Am I Really Grown Up? said...

Get a shark! They are great. Easy to use and fast, fast, fast!

Anonymous said...

LOL! i try not to mop too... and we use swiffer but after your friends comments, might have to look into a shark! whatever that is...

Nicole said...

I would rather clean toilets, IF I had any to use right now, (couldn't resist!), than mop any day of the week.

Suzanne said...

Ugh!! The word "mopping" gives me the heebie-jeebies!! I've been considering a "steamer", but like you, don't have time to research during naps and want to make sure I get something that actually works! So, is a shark the way to go?! Now that you know this one doesn't work, are you getting an alternative?! Hmmm, maybe a product test is in order... I'll contribute :)