So as it turns out, "mom strength" is apparently gained over time, tears, and glasses of wine, and is not, in fact, something that is granted upon us immediately upon conceiving our child. I suppose I knew this all along but secretly hoped it wasn't the case.
Well, God did give us all that we need, but the wee bits aren't the only ones growing; this momma is on her own journey.
This morning was awful, just awful. The Sheriff is either about to cut a molar or two or will have an ear infection by Saturday which, of course, means a visit to the ER or a emergency ped. clinic. We are also about the take the pacifier away. Let's not talk about how I feel like a complete assface for taking it away this weekend when he might "need" it, but Cowboy might kill me if we push it back. We always have an excuse like after this trip to Louisiana, or after New Years, or after this cold. So back to the awful morning. Something set him off while we were playing and then he was mad and screaming for "pa! pa!" which is paci in Sheriff speak. He only uses it for sleeping except for these rare fits when he loses all focus of the rest of the world and needs his pacifier and the pacifier only. We were supposed to meet friends so I tried changing him out of jammies and things escalated. Picture a 1 1/2 year old in a jacked-up diaper (because he was pulling on it in sorrow!) trying to scale his crib because I told him pacis are for sleeping. Enter momma-has-let-you-down pain in my heart!
End of story--I got him clothed (with his paci of course), held him close, and put him down for a nap while I cried my own fears and heart pains away and wiped my snot on my shirt (was desperate people!) He's been sleeping ever since. Fingers are crossed that it's the teeth coming through and not an ear ache!
So I did what any normal person would do--threw myself into ironing! What, you don't iron to destress? When Cowboy asked me if he had any cleans jeans this morning and I had to iron a pair for him to wear (since I never get clothes out of the dryer and hung up after they are finished anymore!), I knew it was time. And I feel much better and I feel ready to take on the afternoon just loving him and playing with him because he needs me. And simply being aware of that, I believe, is indeed mom strength, my friends, so I guess I have it after all!
But, I am now eating a pb and j with a side of Ruffles (hey, it's a protein, fruit, a grain, and a side of veggies right?), and you better well believe we are heading to Target for a new big blue ball (I popped the old one on the gutter while throwing it up on the roof for W to "catch" when it came down), a bottle of wine since Cowboy will be home late and a post W bedtime glass will be nice, and a COKE ICEE!
And while we are at it, throw in some white chocolate chips that could not be found in all of Walmart yesterday! Do people seriously use that much white chocolate on Valentine's Day?
It's not even noon; I've run through the emotional scale, and I've ironed a "helluva" lot of clothes. For this journey, I am thankful.
**Fingers crossed there are no typos in this post. It's not of concern right now!